Everyone has a journey. It's unique to them. Everyone has battles they fight. There is not one greater than the other. Life is difficult and beautiful! To one person, an experience might seem so small. To the next it might seem so extreme. Where we are in our journey and our growth dictates what is hard. In my own mind...there's no greater loss in life than the loss of a loved one. I admire the strength and courage of anyone who has loved and lost and especially to those who have lost a child. I've never had that life experience. I was close. My son was close. But we survived. And I am grateful. I've lost grandparents, uncles, an aunt, a cousin, friends...but the greatest loss I've experienced, was when my dad passed away. January 21, 1999.
S0 - This is me. This is my journey. My family's journey. My Life. Little by little each week I will share our story. I will share my journey...of getting back to being the woman I was meant to become. My transformation. My connection. I've lived, I've laughed, fell in love, got my heart broken. I'm a mom(3 kids and 4 fur babies), a musician, a songwriter, a music teacher, a business woman, a daughter, a friend, a writer. I've succeeded and I've fallen. I've made mistakes and failed. I've soared and I've conquered. I've messed up...oh I've messed up and have to fix and heal what got broken. But most of all - I'm in love with my creator. He held me up when everything else disappeared.
First - I don't set out in this to advocate for any specific healing journey. I support both the medical and the naturapathic communities. We need them both. No two people can expect the same recovery, length of recovery or path. Because we are all different. I used both in our healing journeys. But my faith and understanding was greater in the natural approach for me. This is not a story on our healing recovery...because it is ours. I believe in balance. And I believe in educating oneself while making decisions.
I was born with a heart issue. Holes in my heart and a heart murmur. I am adopted. I've survived cancer, depression & anxiety. I remember very clearly the day we didn't think I'd pull through. It was comparable to a marathon. Exhaustion, sheer and overpowering exhaustion that you cannot get any relief from. I was determined to survive and pull through. When I finally got better - I thought all the tough stuff was done. I lived the experience of not knowing how to get my feet back under me and get back up. I know what it's like to create beautiful music and then lean on it as healing therapy. I've been in 'retirement' the last year but I'm coming back strong. I have an amazing support team and professional team behind me. They have my back. I have incredible family and friends. I'm blessed! I've had a son fight a battle with Leukemia. We were blessed and caught it early. Both times. We learned as a family how to eat healthy, speak and have a positive mindset. We researched and found our path. He conquered. I am thankful for those Dr's and healers in his life.
Were these easy roads? No. They were a living hell. But faith .... I clung to it. We clung to it. We weren't considered 'hero's' for not making a spectacle of ourselves and announcing it's arrival at our door. We fought in silence. We fought together. This is called life. And it's up to each of us how we live it.
Once I got well, I thought I was on top of the world! I felt I had conquered everything. I was invincible! I got my healing. I got my miracle. I got complacent. And arrogant. I then began a journey of having to financially recover. I went from surviving, to struggling, to drowning, to financially crashing. I made decisions, that had I been ready to run...I would have succeeded. But I jumped too soon and built too quick. I counted my chickens before they were hatched. I wasn't ready. And my world came crashing down. And people were there with bells on to educate me on how bad I was and how horrible I had messed up. They were sure to pass along that info to others. This was harsh. But I deserved it. I had to face what had fallen and it wasn't fun. I wanted to run from it...and for a time....I did. I crawled into a hole and hoped a fairy godmother would waive a magical wand and 'abracadabra' it all away. I cared too much what people thought and I was scared of looking stupid. But in the process of that mentality....I did look really stupid. And of bad character. No-one knew my intentions because I hid behind a smile and over promises when really deep down I felt so unworthy and ashamed of failing. Now I'm rebuilding. I'm re-connecting. I'm paying my debts and doing my best to make amends.
To be clear, amends is not expecting someone to forgive me and or even connect. Amends is doing what I can within my power and ability to let them know I wronged them. Amends is forgiving those who wronged me. Amends is cutting off the people that deserve to be cut out. Amends is coming to terms with not being perfect and accepting not every one has to love you or even like you for that matter. I'm human. I fail.
I'm on an incredible and very personal journey back to being healthy, financially sound, building networks and relationships, and my goal in this is to reach some person - even just that one - who thinks they are alone in this world and for all of those who daily are succeeding, failing, healing, excelling. This is for those who need to hear that they can make it through this season they are in. We are all on a journey - to love and accept love. To forgive and accept forgiveness. To make a real difference in this world. I will share all of those experiences and my transformation over the coming weeks in my blog. I'll share healthy recipes, how we beat disease - our personal strategy and our path we chose that got us through. I will share our rebuilding and restructuring and even my sloppy awesome kickass fitness workouts. Heads up- it won't be pretty, and I will probably use profanity...alot...but this is about being okay with being vulnerable. And I will also share my incredible family.
God Bless :)
Yuki & Pongo - LOVE these crazies. They are both purebred pit bulls. Each a different breed. They have definitely added to our lives and we couldn't be more in love with them. They challenge us and smother us with love every day. They rock!
James, Jordan & Calli (Lena). At our favourite place, Banff Springs hotel. Every year we visit around the Holiday Season. I don't know if it's the grandiose hallways, the hustle & bustle of people from all different countries walking around, but Banff is such a stunning place to be during the Christmas Season. A truly magical place to be.
My youngest: Callista Illeanna Rae Weiss Elias
My middle child: James Alexander Forrester Weiss Elias