We all have adversity. Some is more complex than others. Not one is more difficult than the other. For every person, the level of adversity they are experiencing whether self inflicted or victim of circumstance, is the same in terms of challenge. No one has the right to judge another. Judge their track record, but not their intentions. You are not them and do not have all of the information. You only have your version of the information. This was a challenge for me because I grew up being very judgemental. Until I made my own mistakes and had my own failures. I now view others adversity very differently. I had 'informants', judge and jury in my life...and still do. They still come out of their little hole and cracks in the rocks just to stir the shit pot and wreak havoc. They cannot help themselves. If you have gotten to know me or are getting to know me...don't fear you lost out, they will attempt to surface. This used to be something I allowed to plague me. Now, I do one of two things. Lawyer it out if it's extreme and ridiculous or completely ignore them. Always always stand up for yourself...but don't sweat the rest. Not everyone is going to like you. And you don't want them to. I place these individuals in the pile of 'toxic people not to be involved with.' It's not my business what they think of me. I don't care what your past is or your mistakes or failures...I care about what you are doing to get through and your 'now' intentions.
Staying positive gives you a run for your money in the beginning and I sure don't claim to know how yet. But I want to share with you some key points that I have learned and am developing through my journey. I hope this helps you somehow.
1. STOP giving people who have no place in your life power over you!!
Take back your power now and chuck anything else in the 'F%*% it pile.
2. Find some good books and digest them, read them, live & breathe their advice. Highlight what is relevant to you.
3. Visualize what you desire and then Declare it in your life. The SECRET series: Hero, Power and The Secret. Now, I am not a self acclaimed new ager nor do I consider these books morally or religiously wrong. However - nothing explained the basics of Matt 7:7 like The Secret did. So, for me I used my faith along with the book & the movie to start growing. Create a vision board. I do one monthly, seasonally and yearly.
4. If you have a faith in God, find verses that relate to your situation and stand on them. Keep them handy throughout the day to meditate on. It will take many times before in really takes root in you.
5. STOP listening to idiots & the peanut gallery! Do this now and your life will MASSIVELY improve. In the bible the jackass was able to speak once but it was still a jackass! ONLY you know who you really are.
6. Find your Tribe. If you don't have a safe community of people, then create one. For ex: I wanted to support single moms and dads and others going through adversity, so I pour my spare time now into creating events and opportunities to make a difference. Someone out there is always worse off than you so just create a path if you cannot find one. There was a time I couldn't imagine how I was going to make it through everything I needed to deal with. Thank goodness day comes after night :)
7. STOP complaining & remove anything in your life that is toxic. This includes people. If you want things to turn around I guarantee this is the fastest way to keep you off track. My home to me is my sanctuary and safe haven. It is the highest compliment I can give you to invite you into my home. If I do this, I am telling you I value you and you are safe to me. I've removed toxic food, toxic cleaners, toxic products. We work to keep each other accountable in our home.
8. GET up, DRESS up, SHOW up. (work in progress for me). And I seriously need a wardrobe overhaul. Until recently, I really didn't care if I even turned a head. And I was so bitter that if a man tried to communicate, I gave him all the signs to keep walking. This was my defence mechanism. And it worked flawlessly. I was successfully very unsexy. Nothing will repel a man better than a woman who is either needy or condescending. I was hurt and then convinced no man could be a gentleman, faithful or loyal. (except my sons) It took me a long time and there were even times if a guy tried to say hello I would roll my eyes and just walk away. This....had to change. As I dealt with myself I started caring again. And even realizing there are men who are just as hurt from what women have done to them. This realization sparked some hope! Now - I daily confess and declare I am a Proverbs 31 woman who has the Song of Solomon intimate side to me and am focused on being the woman I need to be to attract the man I desire.
9. Get around people who make you want to level up. In business, fitness, health, nutrition, wellness, finances, organization, faith, and relationships.
10. Trust the Process & have faith, Nothing good comes overnight. Faith is a process and it is a tiny seed you sow then need to water it daily with all the right components. So understand it will take a min of 90 days to start to see change. So keep going.
I want to share some verses and books that have helped me. I meditate on these verses daily and I keep them in my phone for easy access. Chances are if I am waiting for a meeting or a visit in a public place, I am reading them and visualizing. Life really is 90% what you make of it and only 10% of what
happens to you. So stop using excuses and be the change you want in your world.